[SCOFF] Headquarters

[Hank the Cowdog]

Since you're reading this, I imagine you've taken some interest in the election of the new president of Bertie Mons (formerly Olympus Mons, for those who have not kept up with the news).
First off, I'd like to welcome you to the headquarters of the Society of Citizens in Obscurity For Four Media Station, otherwise known as SCOFF Media.
I, Jordan, am the founder and Head Manager of SCOFF Media.

Enough pleasantries, let's start scoffing at the candidates.

In the left corner is Sir Bertie Junior, a phpBB2 Bertie Bear who thinks he has the stuffing to win the votes of the majority of all you concerned citizens who are living in obscurity for four years because you either didn't see the contest, didn't want to enter the contest, didn't enter in time, or didn't have a Bertie to enter into the nominations.

Wearing his red sweater that is standard for all phpBB2 Berties, Sir Bertie Junior proudly represents the Anti-Bush party as their official presidential candidate. T50Webmaster is his campaign manager.

In the right corner is Lyndon Bertie Johnson, a candidate running from The BFA House Party. He too believes that he is fit to become a leader, and that his plans for Bertie Mons will be good enough to convince the public that he is the Bertie Bear that should be running things.
Co-managing his campaign is House, directing the campaign, and Semi Deus of the STG staff, who is providing his assistance.

Just before this broadcast, one of our reporters in the field, Al Falfa, received some information from one of SCOFF's scouts, whose name I shall not disclose in order to protect the secrecy of his mission. I shall relay the message that Al Falfa transmitted to SCOFF Headquarters:

Got some good news for folks who are impatient to see the viewpoints of the presidential candidates.
The campaign managers are still at the drawing board making last-minute plans, so the campaigns for both candidates have not started yet. However, my undercover contact has just sent me short notes that the campaign managers have written about the candidates.

Here's a note from T50Webmaster, Sir Bertie Junior's Campaign Manager, already summarizing a few plans he's making for the campaign.

For those of you who believe that gas prices are still too high, don't be afraid, part of Sir Bertie Jr. (AKA ?)'s reason for running is to help get gas prices lower in Bertie Mon!

For those of you that want to see the next version of phpBB to come out by the end of the year, don't be afraid, part of Sir Bertie Jr. (AKA ?)'s reason for running i to help get the next version of phpBB going, and get it released to the public by the end of the year!

And here's a somewhat less informative note from House, one of Lyndon Bertie Johnson's Co Campaign Managers.

The Candidate is Lyndon Bertie Johnson, as a member of The BFA House Party.

The second-tier Candidate is, of course I, Dino Bob of the National Green Party. (Simply for, you know, that 'emotional' guidance during this looOoong process. - Hey, it also makes us a bi-partisan ticket!)

Sorry to say that's all I've got. I've contacted all other reporters and scouts in the field and they say nothing has turned up. So that's all for now.

Reporting from the field, I'm Al Falfa, SCOFF Reporter.
Back to you, Bob.

Well, my name's not Bob, but whatever.

As you can see, SCOFF has turned up very little information about the candidates. But stay tuned, when the campaigns start, SCOFF Headquarters will bring you play-by-play reports. Our agents in the field are working 24/7, so we won't miss a thing.

Be watching for SCOFF Polls and other types of broadcasts from our mobile reporting bases.

That's all for tonight. Head Manager Jordan signing off.

[Hank the Cowdog]

Thanks:
To Bertie Mons Secretary of State Douglas, aka webmacster87, for approving creation of the SCOFF Media Station.
To T50Webmaster, House, and Semi_Deus, for taking up the challenges of managing the campaigns of the candidates.
To: House and T50Webmaster, for entering their Berties into the election and giving us bored people something to do. Good luck to you both.
To: Handyman and Highway of Life, for creating and maintaining STG and ultimately allowing this election to be possible.
To: My own imagination, which thought up SCOFF Media and everything within, including the reporter Al Falfa.

--------------------

NOTICE!
We are accepting applications for positions inside SCOFF.
Current jobs available are:

Scout
In charge of finding information and transmitting it to a Reporter. If there is no reporter, transmit it to a Host or Manager.

Reporter
In charge of taking information from Scouts and writing a report around it, and transmitting the report to a Host or a Manager. If there is no Scout, and you found the information yourself, just say a Scout reported it. You're not allowed to disclose Scouts' names anyways.

Host
In charge of SCOFF Mobile Bases (topics separate from Headquarters (this topic)). Hosts can create their own media topics (polls, discussions, etc.) and manage them. Hosts will take reports from the Reporters and write a broadcast to inform the general public about the report, and then they will post their broadcast in the Headquarters topic, or send it to a Manager so he or she can post it in Headquarters. (Note that general reports of candidates can only go in the Headquarters topic.) If you found the information yourself, just use an imaginary reporter, like I did in the first post of this topic.

Manager
(Only applications from STG Staff Members are allowed for this job)
Managers must have Moderator permissions on STG, as they are in charge of editing posts by Hosts. Managers can also post reports from Hosts or Reporters in the Headquarters topic, and they can set up their own mobile bases. Again, if you found some information by yourself, just use an imaginary reporter.

We're hoping that we'll receive applications from mtotheikle and Seven of Nine for Manager jobs, and rickymallory for the Host position.

Do not post applications in this topic! Send them to me in a PM. Thanks.

[Hank the Cowdog]

Welcome, Manager Mtotheikle, to the SCOFF team!

[webmacster87]

Good work, guys. I'd help out too, if my "title" didn't require me to be impartial and separate from the "media." Nevertheless, I'll be keeping an eye on what you guys produce--and thanks for helping to make my job easier.

[Hank the Cowdog]

I'm glad you like it, Douglas!

Ahem. Lights on, cameras rolling. We're on in three, two, one...

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Head Manager Jordan reporting live from SCOFF Headquarters.
Early this morning we received word from my contact, Al Falfa, joined by another Reporter by name whose which... which by name whose... by which name whose... whose name which by...
Ahem.
Al Falfa was joined by another reporter by the name of Timothy Hay. It looks like their scouts discovered some extremely interesting information. Here's their report.

Well we certainly are seeing some interesting things from Lyndon Bertie Johnson's Campaign Managers.
It appears that House and Semi Deus haven't done a thing to tilt votes in LBJ's direction, yet one of our Scouts just found a photo that shows Lyndon Bertie Johnson sitting at a podium and speaking into a microphone. Engraved on the front of the podium is the candidate's name, and in the background, dozens of people, maybe even hundreds or thousands, look on.

That's right, old chaps. They portrayed Lyndon Bertie Johnson as being a very popular candidate, yet the only thing the Campaign Managers have done is threaten Handyman to vote.

Quite right, they did threaten Handyman. They used the words, "Handyman, vote for LBJ or FAIL!"

Anyways, I'm sure you're dying to see our copy of the photo, so here it is.

What's more, we've examined the original photo and discovered traces of clipping and pasting.

That's right, folks. We believe the photo is forged to portray Lyndon Bertie Johnson in the limelight.
Furthermore, we have evidence that on October 22nd, this photo was slipped into a post made by one of Lyndon Bertie Johnson's campaign managers. What's so odd about that, and why do I use the term 'slipped', you ask.
The post was created on October 20th. If the photo was real, they would probably enter it into a new post or put it as the candidate's picture.
This isn't solid proof that it's a forgery, but the clipping and pasting is.

I asked one of my Scouts to check out various image albums of various Berties, and we've come up with something that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Bertie in that picture is not Lyndon Bertie Johnson.

If you look at the link of the image, you'll see that this photo comes from phpBB.com.

So what is this? Has Lyndon Bertie Johnson started out by attempting to deceive the public? Has he threatened Handyman to vote so that voters will vote for him because Handyman has?

Lots of unanswered questions here in the field, but we'll keep working to discover the truth.

Reporting from the field, Al Falfa and Timothy Hay.
Back to you, Bob.

My name's not Bob! But thanks for the very informative report.

We're hoping we can get Lyndon Bertie Johnson's campaign managers to explain this. Stay tuned for an update later.

[T50Webmaster T50]

How Terrible, LBJ should fire his campaign managers for that editted photo, of..of..of..of..no it can't be...Sir Bertie III, sure enough that's Sir Bertie III's picture.

[House]

First of all, I'd like to say:



And secondly, we'll address this:

That's right, old chaps. They portrayed Lyndon Bertie Johnson as being a very popular candidate, yet the only thing the Campaign Managers have done is threaten Handyman to vote.

Quite right, they did threaten Handyman. They used the words, "Handyman, vote for LBJ or FAIL!"

On behalf of the LBJ Campaign, and Sunkern (our Voter registration outfit), I vehemently refute this accusation! O: Anyone can plainly see, if only they'd visit STG's MyMiniCity, that those words were in fact a quote, and not a threat. The Original source-text appears as:

[18/10] rickymallory: Getting better i own a penthouse appartment in the motion twin towers, cost about 4 million bucks
[18/10] LBJ: Ricky, don't be fool! Everyone knows that we trade in Ducks here. >___>
[18/10] RakshaWolf: Live long and prosper, STARTREKGUIDE! And come visit my much, much smaller city of Seeonee some time.
[19/10] Handyman: VOTE FOR LBJ!!! :-)
[19/10] House: O: You saw it here folks, LBJ has been endorsed by a true Jedi. xD

So I believe that SCOFF Media, or at least Al Falfa owes us an apology.




Also, we do Reserve the Right to Threaten, Slap_fish++, Attack, or in general to Solicit Votes as we deem necessary for the Election of Lyndon Bertie Johnson. However, it is not our Policy to do so...

'Cause we're nice, see?

[House]

Next, we'll explain the "LBJ Copy/Paste" gaffe.
You see, there's a perfectly logical explanation for this, you see? Umm... Oh, I must have left it in my pocket. *fishes for it. Uhh.... Well, hmm.. Yeah, well-




/me runs. *POOF...*

[Hank the Cowdog]

I guess I... we... SCOFF owes the Lyndon Bertie Johnson campaign managers an apology. Our scouts failed to recognize MyMiniCity as a source, and our reporters failed to notice the quotes in the picture.

Okay, so I'll put myself on probation as a way of introducing Manager Michael to this business.

And here's a formal apology: "Sorry, it was my fault and blah blah blah blah my mistake yak yak yakitty yak I should have etc. etc. etc."
Happy?

Now where's your apology for the forged photo?

[House]

I have none. *Points to Roelof. -->